I'm done.

Thanks for missing me ya'll!!!

I know I have been a ghost lately.... I just got through the whole 10 days with the kids and I am exhausted. Geesh.... it's hard with kids, ya'll! (I know I spelled that wrong, but it's my blog and I like to spell it that way. Get over it.) When you are 40 and have only had to tend to yourself for thiiiisss long, it is very hard to get into the habit of the whole "school, homework, dinner, practice, playtime, shower and get to bed thing." I am used to taking care of me after work and no one else. ('cept Kasey.) I can see how single parents struggle. We had a tag team thing going on with the kids while we had them. He got them up and off to school. When they got home, he made sure homework was done and started dinner. I get in a little after 5, he leaves shortly after and I am in charge of getting them to and from practice, clean up the kitchen, showers and in bed at 9. We had a good time with the kids and it was natural for me to take care of them and I enjoyed being here for them.

The night before we were supposed to get them, (Labor Day) she called at 8:30 pm and demanded to know when we would be picking them up. I told her that we were not because we had not planned on getting them until after school on Tuesday. She snapped that we WERE supposed to get them and she told J that a week ago. I told her that he did NOT know that or we would have had them already. She snapped again (she is one hateful hag) "I get so sick of this shit." The big vein in my forehead popped and I broke loose on her. Told her that I DID NOT have to keep the kids at all while she was gone and that I was doing HER a favor by doing so and that we were not the one going out of town and rearranging the schedules, she was and it was her responsibility to get someone that night." She did not know what to say. I think it shocked her that I was so brazen to her. She agreed and thanked me and then asked to speak to J. I told her that he was not here (he left to get something for us to eat and left his phone) and he would call her when he got back. He did not remember her telling him that we needed to get the kids and was very stern with her in that fact, but she kept on and on bitching at him, so he finally said for her to just bring them over b/c he was sick of her mouth. By now, it was 9:15 pm. She said she did not have their things ready and it would take her some time to do so! For crying out loud! She took a tongue lashing over that one, too. By the time they got here, it was 10:15. Why in the name of sam hill did she wait until 8:30 to call us in the first place? Cause that's what she does. What she wants. Truth be known, she just wanted to get rid of them at the last minute and not want to get up early to get them off to school.

The first night that I had them, I overheard them on the phone (thank God for speaker phone and I was totally listening intently by the door) with stupid (that's what we call her cause she earned that ALL on her own) and when they told her that they had to hang up b/c they had to go to bed, she replied "You're kiddin'me?" In the most hateful, derogatory, disapproval tone that I have ever heard. Oh snap... I was ready to kill her. We NEVER, EVER undermine her authority like that in front of the kids. No matter what stupid thing she is making them do. Never. So, I was pretty hot. Then, she said that maybe I was putting them to bed that early is because I needed my rest! Has she ever heard of them getting a good night's sleep? The next day, J explained to them why they went to bed at 9 instead of 10. To me, the damage was done.

So, I am done with her. I am tired of her putting herself first and us always being the one that gives. It is not fair. Before you guys tell me that I am doing it for the kids and they will appreciate it when they get older... but, I have to take a break on "helping her." I can't deal with her and I can't hold my tongue anymore without going all Jack Bauer on her. I just can't. I will end up saying something that I will regret and I never want the boys to see that side of me. He said that he understood and did not blame me and would be more than happy to tell her why I will not be helping her with the kids for a while the next time she calls asking for me to keep them. BTW.... are you wondering why she just does not call ME since I am the one who usually is the one to keep them? Cause all she wants is to have contact with him and not me, but needs me to be her babysitter. I have never and will not ever tell him NOT to get his kids and we are the first people she calls when she needs a babysitter, but I don't have to be her babysitter when he is not here and I do not intend to again; not for a long time anyway. I don't feel like a parent when she does this... I feel like a babysitter. Call me mean, petty, childish, and think that I am not doing the right thing, but for right now..... I am done. The best way for me to deal with her is to have no contact with her at all. Not for a while. Why in the name that is good and holy do I have to put up with someone constantly using that tone and just using me? Where does she get off doing that?

If you have not been in my shoes, you have no idea how hard it is to deal with this day in and day out. I know I signed up for this when I married someone with kids, but it doesn't make it any easier. I do not and will not EVER advise anyone to marry someone with kids if you do not have any yourself and I can speak only from my own personal experience. No matter how much you love someone and love their kids, do not do it and think that you will have smooth sailing just because "you knew it before you got married." We can talk about this honestly with the both of us being 100% straight up and that helps me get through. He says that he is used to her and the tricks and knows I am having trouble dealing with her without wanting to snap her neck like a twig. ( I can do it too, ya'll.) She is making joint custody seem like the right thing to do because it is so much easier when we have them than when she does and we can take better care of them. It's coming... in time.

We hardly heard from her in those days she was gone and it was nice (well, for us it was.) She called the boys a couple of times and she barely answered her phone when they called her. I feel sorry for them at times. They can't help what kind of mother they have. This will pass, and we will again be her doormat because we don't want the kids to suffer, but not for a while and it will still never be fair. I love the boys and want what is best for them and pray that I can get over this quickly. Time will tell.