The time I was called....

OK Efen.. this is for you....there are plenty more, too. I will tell you all about Jesse and his Escalade soon....

Being in the repo business, ( I don't do a lot of the actual repossessing... I have guys, ahhh... eerrr, professional thieves, that work for me, but I have been out on a few) I have been called many, many, many names. Not good ones, either. The best one that comes to mind is this story:

A couple of years ago we had an order for a Chev Blazer for a lending institution for people who has terrible credit. I mean, the interest rate was fuckin ginormous, but, it was their last hope of getting a car with a loan. On some vehicles, we can go to the dealer (GM, Toyota) and use the VIN, show our paperwork (a.k.a license to steal) and are able to get a key cut to start and drive off the unit. We get out to the unit, (which, BTW is out in Fuckin no where) put the key in and drive off. This was on a Saturday. Keep in mind that when we take these cars, there could be a lot of personal property inside. Etc.... keys, drugs (biggie) purses, cell phones, groceries, dirty diapers (not shitin you and no pun intended), XXX rated magazines, DVD's, tools... whatever. You name it and we have found it inside people's cars. On Monday, this fuckhead calls me cussing that we "stole his vehicle." I tell him that we did not steal his vehicle; it was repossessed by his lienholder . The fucking hillbilly did not even know what "lienholder" meant. He says he's coming down to "kick my mother fuckin ass and take his vehicle back." I simply said "Bring it." He comes down and I swear, he is the size of a fucking refrigerator and looks like he has not had a fuckin shower in weeks and his bitch of a wife looked like Chewbacca. The scary part is.... he was holding a child about 2! It dawned on me that "FUCK....these two fucktards slept together and had a child. That poor child! I kinda threw up in my mouth a bit. They come in and before he can speak a word, I told him this was my office and he was gonna respect the fact that I am a lady and he will NOT speak to me disrespectfully in any way. He said that he understood. The guy that repo'd the unit for me had already cleaned out his personal property and I had it sitting in my office waiting. We also charge a personal property fee for people to get their belongings back. Yes, it is legal . Let me just go ahead and tell you that if someone is already mad that we "stole" their car... can you imagine how fuckin mad they are when they find out they have to pay $45.00 to get BACK their fuckin shit? Fuck me running... they are pissed. He is no different. He starts shifting through his things and tells me that there is something missing. Typical in my line of work. We steal cars (professianally, we call it repossessing, but everyday.. it is stealing a car) not shit out of them. He says that it is a car battery! WTF? I told him that he cannot have the battery out of his vehicle. He said that it was a brand new one that was in the backseat. I said "Reeeeeaaaaaaaaally??" ( In my kind of smartass tone that I am famous for.) He said that since his car battery was gone, he should not have to pay the personal property fee of $45. I told him that there was no battery in the vehicle other that the one inside it and that HE WAS going to pay the fee or he could collect his things from the Goodwill in 60 days. His wife was outside at this time carrying their fuckin shit back to their other piece of shit car, when he throws open my office door and tells her "Missy, this cock suckin bitch is still makin us pay that fuckin money for our own stuff." Mind you, he is still holding that child. That done it. I was ready to kill that mother fuckin fuck. I went outside and told him to get his "Hillbilly ass in his vehicle right now or I will call the police on him for breaching the peace and he could spend the rest of the afternoon sitting in the city jail learning the finer points of prison love and calling me every fuckin name he could think of." He just looked at me with a look that would kill. He put the child in a car seat, got inside the vehicle and told Chewbacca.. umm erhh....his wife... to "hurry up." She comes in and really doesn't know what to say at this point. She pays the money, signs my paperwork and tells me that she is really sorry for what her husband said. I told her that it was no problem... I deal with jackasses like him all the time and she was one who was married to him and stuck with him. She gave me a "I can't believe you said that" look and left.

Believe it Bitch.