Jesse and the Escalade

A couple of years ago, I was assigned an order for a guy with a Cad Escalade and his name was Jesse. The bank provides me with a key and gives us all his info. We go out a couple of times with no luck spotting the unit at first; it was always in his garage. And then, one afternoon, jackpot. He doesn't live in the best part of town either and he is known to be a drug dealer. The field adjuster (adj) gets out of his vehicle and sneaks up to it and right when he is about to get inside... here comes Jesse. He is as mad as a wet fucking hen and is throwing his arms around screaming and threatening that he will "pop yo ass." This is considered "breach of peace" and is really the only repossession law, so it is a no go if they catch you and start fucking bitching not to take their shit (keep in mind they aren't fucking paying for it either.) The adj explains to him that he is in default of his loan and needs to take possession immediately. He is still fucking screaming and threatening to call the police if we don't leave. Lawfully, we have to leave. He also warns adj that he will shoot him if we come back. Yeah Yeah Yeah. How many fucking times do we hear that threat? For the next few weeks it doesn't show at all. And then, jackpot. Only this time... my adj is on his way into the office and he sees it about 2 miles from our office... RUNNING and unguarded at a swimming pool supply store. Fuckin ahhhhh.... we got his sorry ass. My adj jumps inside and takes off. He calls me and told me that he had good news and bad news. "The good news is I just popped Jesse and the bad news..... (oh God, this is sooo fucking funny....) it has 2 Chihuahua's in a dog kennel in the back." Fuck me running. We have never taken a car with an animal inside. Rule is... if it has a heartbeat.... take it back. Whatever the fuck it is; take it back. Fast. I told him to pull off the main road, call the police (due to his history of threatening us) and wait; I was on my way. I jump into my car and get to him in less that 5 minutes. We decided to wait until the police arrive and have them take the dogs back to where we left his sorry ass. Police arrived and they return the dogs back to the jackass. We get back to the office with the vehicle, still laughing so hard we can barely breathe (partly because he is a known drug dealer.... big tough guy... and has 2 fucking girl dogs, WTF?) and realize... he is gonna be fucking pissed off when he gets there. Sure enough, 2o minutes later... cop car pulls up and he gets out holding that big ass fucking dog cage with those 2 yapping dogs, waddling up to my office.

Remember those old school cartoons where the cartoon character gets mad and the steam erupts from the ears? That's what he looked like. I am thinking that from the way he talked... he would be a big guy. Instead, he is very short, chubby and has the biggest lips I have ever seen hanging on a human. Seriously.
He comes in and he is cussing and just throwing a fucking fit. I told him to calm down or that cop car would be coming back and escorting him off my property. He gets the bank on the phone and they tell him tough; he should have paid his car payment and cooperated with us weeks ago. He calls a friend to come and get him and demands his property out of his vehicle. Ya'll know where this is going..."ok... you can have it... for $45.00. " Now, he is so fucking irate that if looks could kill... I'd be 6 feet under. He said he didn't have $45.00 or he would have paid his payments. I asked him how in the world he drove around in one of the most expensive SUV's and did NOT have $45? He got even more pissy and said "No." I told him that same thing that I did everyone else... pay it or collect your things from Goodwill in 60 days. His friend came and they left in a huff. Without his stuff. 3 days later... my client called and he had filed bankruptcy and is getting his vehicle back. Typical.

I know you are wondering how in the fuck can he do that? But, it depends on what type of bankruptcy someone files. The trick is... if they default after just one day on the repayment of the bankruptcy.... they HAVE to give up the collateral. Bank said to sit tight... we would get it again. This was in July.

Guess what? In January we got the order again. Hell yeah. We got his ass for sure this time. Easy. We go back to his house, knock on the door and demand. He refuses saying that he does not have to surrender. We disagree with him, show him the bankruptcy papers and demand again. He refuses again. My adj told him to give it to him the easy way or he'll take it the hard way. He refuses again. We knew it would be just a matter of time and we would see it on the streets. The next Wednesday, we go by his house and see a neighbor in his yard and decide to speak to him. He said that Jesse was at church and would be home shortly because church was probably getting out soon. Adj asks him what church he attended and the neighbor told him where and that he that goes every Sunday and Wed. That Sunday, sure enough, Jesse pulled into the parking lot. This is a HUGE church right off the interstate. My adj sat and waited for him to go inside, get comfortable and pick up his hymnal. We slide into the vehicle, bring it to the office, store in our garage and (this is fucking classic) go back to the church to see the look on his face when he gets out of church!!!!!!!!!!!!! According to my adjusters, the look was one they will never forget. He looked around and scratched his head in utter shock.

That Monday, was Martin Luther King Day and the banks were closed. I'm sure that pissed him off even more. When I got into the office on Tuesday my phone was ringing off the hook. It was Jesse and he was pissed. Mega pissed off. He starts cussing and carrying on, so I hung up on him. 5 times. The last time, I told him if he called me again in that tone... I would get him for harassment and asked him if he kissed his mama with that mouth. He told me that I should be ashamed of myself for "taking his vehicle from someone who loved the Lord and was at church doing God's will." Give me a fucking break jackass. He started crying! Jimmeny Christmas. If I had a dollar every time someone cried for sympathy, I would be living in Hawaii. Large. He proceeded to explain to me that he had lost everything he had; even his "babies" had gotten out of the yard and someone picked them up or they wandered off. He even asked me for the $2500 rims on the vehicle and wondered if he would still have to pay the $45.00 to get his stuff back. I told him "No and yes, respectively." I never heard from Jesse again. This, by far, is the funniest repo story that I have to tell.