Tough girls cry, too.

I know that having the job that I have, one would think that I am tough as nails. Well, today proved that I am not. Since June, I have had alot of trouble with my back. I can not remember hurting it specifically though. After my family reunion in June, I woke a couple of days later and could barely walk or move around without an enormous amount of pain. I called my Chiropractor and had a few adjustments and that did not help. I called my physician and she refered me for massage therapy. That helped some, though not a whole lot. Ice was a little relief, though not for long either. Finally, I spoke to my family physician again and she refered me for an MRI. While I was looking forward to finally finding out (if anything) what was up with my back being jacked up for months, I was terrified of that "tunnel." See ya'll, I am claustrophobic. Tanning beds even give me the willies and I have to stick my leg out a few times during the session.


Today was the day and I was scared as hell. Since my husband works all night, I did not get him up to go with me. The second I went inside the facility, I felt panic. After waiting what seemed like forever, a guy came out and took me back to a room to explain what was going to happen and gave me clothes to change. Panic was setting in even more. A few minutes later, a lady came out and took me back. Just looking at that contraption was scary. I told myself to put on my big girl panties--- suck it up and get through. Just like Yoda said.... "Do, or do not. There is no 'try.'" I had no idea how hard it was actually gonna be.

If anyone else reading this has had an MRI, you know what I mean. If you are not claustrophobic, this is not a problem. Clinically speaking, claustrophobic refers to "an abnormal tendency to feel terror in closed spaces." Let me just go ahead and tell you that this is a fucking understatement. I had no earthly idea how scared I would actually be inside that thing. It took the tech 3 times to finally get me fully inside the machine to begin. It felt like I was in a coffin and the walls were gonna close in on me at any second. The noise was loud and it sounded like it was going to explode. I laid there for 20 minutes crying my eyes out all while not moving a muscle for fear that I would have to start all over again. This was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. No joke. There is a sinking, terrifying feeling to have a phobia. I don't care what you are scared of.... snakes, spiders, heights, sharks... whatever... it is a terrible feeling. Glad that whole nightmare is over and can finally get an answer on WTF is wrong with my back!